Do you feel like you're always doing... doing... doing... going... going... going...? But never getting anywhere or anything done that's meaningful? You're not alone.
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I don't know about you, but I feel like I am constantly running around doing stuff and keeping busy just to keep busy. Especially in Covid times, when schedules and structure seem more languid, many of us have more time throughout our day (we're not spending hours commuting to work or school or dropping the kids off), but what are we filling that time with? And maybe you were always a "doer" -- always on the go, hustling and bustling, your plate runneth over. The question remains the same for both: are you filling your time with busy work or doing the work to improve your life (spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, etc.)?
A client of mine recently said to me that she is feeling restless in her job / career (and I presume restless in her life as well, though I don't want to put words in her mouth). So she has been researching: researching new jobs, training programs, Master's programs, what to do, where to go, etc. She'll find a great role or program, make a decision, but then... reneges on her own decision. She said, "I'll make a decision to do X, but then... I start questioning my decision, so I'll look at a different program, but then... I don't know if I want that, so I start thinking about something else, but then... but then... but then..." I call this the restlessness manifesting into the "But then..." Spiral.
I want to tell you what I said to her in our session {with her permission}, because I think many of us out there feel this way, too. And I hope my message to you is as meaningful as it was to my client; most importantly, I hope this message lets you know that you are not alone. And remember... YOU'VE got to do the work, not just the busy work.
Restlessness manifesting into the "But then..." Spiral: You had mentioned in your "Morning Exercise" [the exercise we did where you wake up this morning to find that that which you seek, you have found] that you would feel peace, calmness, clarity. Right now, however, you feel like you're trying to grab for something, looking for something (that "something" being doing work / career that aligns with your purpose and gives you a deeper, more meaningful connection with your work / career).
You're feeling a lot of momentum but you're not sure into what to harness that momentum. What basic physics taught us is that "momentum" is defined as "mass in motion" and all objects have mass (some days I wish I had less mass! lol). And what do we know about an object in motion? "An object in motion tends to remain in motion along a straight line unless acted upon by an outside force." -- Sir Issac Newton. (Wow, that dude was smart.)
You seem to be staying in motion simply because you are already in motion, and no outside force has acted upon you to stop you, to redirect you, or to slow you down.
Which leads me to wonder... Are you moving on a straight line only because you are already moving on a straight line and that feels safe and comfortable and what you've always done? What if that straight line is leading you towards nowhere and nothing of meaning? What if you allowed an "outside force" to stop you or redirect you? And what if that "outside force" is actually YOU telling your autopilot to STOP and take stock of the now?
When we are doing (or not doing) something because we feel safe, we ignore our potential growth. A flower doesn't stay as a bud for fear of safety - it must bloom and grow to achieve its greatest potential (a beautiful flower). Staying safe inhibits you, it takes away your power, it takes away your essence, it takes away the YOU that you are destined to be (like the bud destined to be a beautiful flower).
[Side observation about your "But then..." Spiral: It's no coincidence that you mentioned "research" many times, and that you are constantly researching what's next. The 2 parts of the word research are "re" + "search". Searching for an answer, questioning your result, then RE-searching for another answer. See how that's a spiral?]
And this leads to the next major theme I heard...
Questioning thyself / Owning your decisions: You said, "But who am I if I'm not always doing?" Well... who ARE you? WHO are you? Who are YOU? [I like to put emphasis on different words to showcase the different levels of this question.] What are your values? Are you your physical body that's always moving / doing? Are you your mind that's always going-going-going?
I can't answer this for you. And it's not an easy answer to find in your search or research. The answer won't come folded neatly in a store-away box or in a Google search (though it would be entertaining to ask Siri...). Knowing thyself will inevitably lead to owning your decisions. When YOU know YOU, everyday decisions (whether major or minor) you make will be true to your core, true to your values, that there will be no room for contradictions from internal or external factors. That's not to say we shouldn't question ourselves in terms of deliberating and weighing pros / cons. But there is a major difference between weighing pros / cons to come to an analyzed / well thought-out decision vs. making a decision then second-guessing it. Do you see the difference?
When you know who you are, what your values are, and what your boundaries are, then you know which decisions feel right, and importantly, which decisions do not feel right.
Let's take a super easy example: I'm going to assume here that you believe embezzlement is wrong (stealing money from your company). If you're at the office (during normal times), and you take a pen home from work - well... that's not a big deal. It's just a pen! You may have thought about the pros / cons, but ultimately you were OK with that decision and didn't lose sleep over it. It didn't really strike a value-chord. But if you were to wire $50,000 from your company's account into your personal account - would that decision feel right? Why not? Is it because your values hold you back from stealing? Would you hold back because you're afraid of the consequences (i.e., you value your freedom and NOT going to jail)? It's an extreme example to showcase how you ALREADY make decisions based on some of your values.
Now it's time to dig deeper into your CORE VALUES. I always say, understanding the WHY helps to figure out the HOW. WHY do we do (or don't do) the things we do --> HOW can we shape our lives, future, goals to achieve our goals and visions.
If this message resonated with you, I'd love to hear how or why. Finding the answers to these life questions, such as What are my core values? What do I really want? What is my passion vs. purpose? takes work.
This is where I believe the value in working with a life coach can help.
Together, we will come up with a goal (something you want to achieve) or a focus (something you'd like to focus on). Then we will work towards that goal through our sessions and outside "homework" (e.g., exercises, action plans, tools, etc.) to achieve that focus or goal.
Would this be something you would want to work on?
Contact me for a complimentary consultation to find out how we can work together.
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